


In Every Lifetime, I’d Choose You

by eauline



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M, Hurt Natasha Romanov, Major Character Injury, Natasha Romanov Needs a Hug, Protective Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-02-24 02:22:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 20,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23135542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eauline/pseuds/eauline
Summary: When Natasha Romanoff’s past comes back to haunt her, Steve Rogers and the disbanded Avengers must come together to save her in a race against time.[Set after Captain America: Civil War.]
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 26
Kudos: 143





	1. The Blue Gleam Of Vibranium

Steve Rogers remembered his last 'normal' night with Natasha Romanoff like it was yesterday. It'd been the night before the infamous Secretary of State came to the compound to implement new guidelines for the team. With the moon and all the stars shining in the sky, it felt like yesterday that he'd been mindlessly sketching in the book she'd bought for him last summer with his initials engraved on the back cover, spread out on his bed in the compound as the television played a Russian comedy movie. He'd been learning Russian to be able to talk to Natasha in her native tongue, and it was good practice for him to watch television in the language he was mastering. He was only learning Russian because he loved hearing Natasha speak in the tongue. Well, any language really. Her soft accent, the roll of her tongue, and each short breath she took between sentences made searing heat flare to his core.

He'd been mouthing the words each actor spoke but fell silent when his bedroom door creaked open. He looked up from his sketchbook, set down his pencil, and smiled as Natasha slipped inside the suite, her bare feet silent on the mahogany, hardwood floor. Her hair was damp and curly from her shower, her beautiful face free of makeup, and she wore leggings and one of his Yankee sweatshirts that hung off her slender shoulders. He'd never seen anything more stunning, and his body thrummed in her presence as his fingertips twitched with the urge to touch her. "I was wondering when you were coming." He said, pulling back the comforter for her as she came to the bed side, crawled under the blankets, and snuggled up beside him. She laid her head against his shoulder and grasped his hand, looking down at his sketch as he inhaled the alluring scent of her coconut lotion and something else that was entirely Natasha. He squeezed her hand gently, brushing his thumb over a scar below her knuckle.

What were they in terms of their relationship? He wasn't sure. They slept together every night, even on missions. It wasn't sexual but innocent, intimate. It'd started when they realized each other's presence kept the nightmares at bay but as the months had passed, it was much more than that. He kissed everywhere but her lips - her neck, her cheeks, her jaw, her nose, behind her ears - and she returned the venerate gestures with just as much tenderness. They weren't shy about it either. Everyone perceived their lingering touches and stares, the way they fussed over one another after a mission and their unduly protectiveness. Tony always jested about it, calling them, "America's Golden Boy and Russia's Man Eater." Steve was pretty sure Wanda, Vision, and Sam knew they slept together as well.

Was it passion? Certainly. Love? Possibly, and perhaps something even deeper than that. He'd been trying to work up the courage to ask her out on a date, a proper one, but it wasn't a secret that he was no good with wooing woman. Natasha was exceptionally special, and he didn't - couldn't - lose her. She deserved the world, and he wanted to give it to her. She was his world, after all.

"Wanda wanted to talk about Vision. Who knew the Scarlett Witch could have boy problems?" She mused, casting her gaze from his sketchbook and up to the television. He saw her eyes widen in recognition as she realized what movie he was watching, and she glanced up at him through her long, dark eyelashes. "This is such a terrible movie!" She said with soft laughter.

He rolled his azure eyes at her retort, and he set his sketchbook on the nightstand before lying down. He pulled Natasha close with her facing him, brushing her hair from her face with the hand that wasn't holding hers. "It's not that bad, Nat." He chuckled. He watched her as she smiled that smile that stole the breath from his lungs and closed her eyes. Her legs tangled with his under the comforter as she pressed her forehead against his chest. "Tired?" He asked, although he already knew what her response would be. It'd been a long day for the both of them, and the meeting with the Secretary of State was looming over their heads like a storm brewing in the distance.

She hummed and nodded her head. He released her hand to comb his fingers through her cascading curls, noticing just how much it'd grown out since she'd last cut it. He remembered when he first met her, thinking that the words, "Fiery redhead," described her to a T. She packed a powerful punch in such a small package, and she was as bold as fire that licked at the edges of a forest. Years ago, he'd been put off by her flirty persona and pristine perfection, thinking that she was a 'hardass,' per say. It'd taken a while for him to trust her. However, after all they'd endured together, he'd came to the realization that she was an incredible woman who'd much rather stay in bed and cuddle all day, than fight anybody. She had the biggest heart and the kindest smile, and she had him wrapped around her finger. He would do anything for her...

"I have something for you." He said, suddenly remembering the gift for her on his dresser. He sat up, but she grasped his broad shoulders before he could get off the bed.

She looked into his eyes, her emerald gaze piercing his soul. She looked apprehensive, and he frowned in confusion. "I need you to promise me something." She said, pulling her shoulders back and sitting up straighter. His lips parted to ask her what was going on, but she spoke before he could. "Promise me that no matter what happens tomorrow, you'll always fight for what you believe in, that you'll always do what needs to be done." She said, her voice desperate and strained.

He cupped the arch of her jaw with his hands, holding her close to him. His lips turned up in a smile as she leaned into his touch, but he was also nervous and couldn't disregard the feeling that told him something was wrong. "What are you not telling me?" He asked earnestly. He knew if something was really wrong she wouldn't have came into his bedroom ready to fall asleep in his arms, so he really didn't expect an answer from her. She didn't give him one, merely shaking her head and guiding his large hands away from her face. He knew that it most likely had something to do with the man they were meeting tomorrow and the restrictions the government wanted to impose upon them, but he figured that they'd solve those problems tomorrow.

"Show me whatever it is you got me, Rogers." She said, nudging him off the bed. "Did I miss our friend-a-versary?"

He shook his head, getting off the bed and grabbing the ring on the dresser before he walked back to the end of the bed where Natasha sat expectedly. It'd been impulsive, but Sam and Wanda had encouraged him to have it made for her. The large, sparkling diamond was crafted from a chip in his shield; he didn't know why he had the idea to have it made for her, he just had. He wanted her to have something of his - theirs actually. She used his shield almost as much as he did as he'd taught her how to use it effectively. She even had clasps on her uniform to hold it in place. He hoped she'd like it, that she'd maybe even wear it although, he didn't get his hopes up. He just wanted her to have it, just in case the universe pulled them apart.

Just in case.

He suddenly felt extraordinary bashful as she reached out her hand to take the ring he had clutched in his fist. What if she didn't like it and took it the wrong way? Flush rose to his cheeks, and he blushed even brighter when she laughed at his shyness. It suddenly felt like a very, bad idea. 

"Let me see." She implored, grasping his hand and uncurling his fist. He heard her sharp inhale when she saw the ring, and his stomach dropped. A gasp was never a good sign, and he wondered why fighting aliens was easier than giving Natasha Romanoff a ring.

"It's not what you think. I'm not proposing or anything like that. I-Well, my shield chipped and thought it'd be a good idea to have it-err, made into a ring for you but now, I'm realizing it was a terrible, terrible idea." He rushed out, stumbling over his words and fumbling with the ring in his hand. He couldn't meet her gaze in case she would be fuming with him and instead, he stared down at his feet. He'd been so caught up in the excitement of it all that he hadn't contemplated if she didn't like it. It would surely ruin what they had now, what he'd worked so hard to build with her.

She suddenly snatched the ring from his hand, inspecting it like it was the most fascinating piece of jewelry in the world. He didn't dare to peek up at her in case she decided to poke his eye out with it. "My goddess, you can even see the blue specks from your shield!" She said breathlessly. It felt like forever until she slid it onto her right, ring finger, and she grasped his face in her hands, forcing him to look up at her. The cool metal of the ring pressed against his cheek, and he felt utter relief as she smiled radiantly. "I love it, Steve. Seriously, this is incredible and the best thing anyone has ever given me - will ever give me." She said. Adoration glinted in her eyes, and he smiled just as wide as she was. She pulled back to look at the ring again, mumbling about how it fit perfectly and how beautiful it was.

'Not as beautiful as you,' he longed to say.

She grasped his hands and pulled him down beside her on the bed, wrapping her arms around his neck. He laughed, hugging her tightly and positioning them so that they were back under the blankets with their heads at the pillows. "I'm so glad you like it." He said. Her back was to his front, his knees tucked behind hers, and he nuzzled his nose against the back of her neck.

"Like it? I love it, Мед. Did you think I wasn't going to?" _[Honey.]_ She said quietly. She reached for the remote and flicked off the television before she held her hand up, looking at the ring in the pale moonlight that gleamed through the curtains.

He shrugged, having too much pride to admit that he was terrified she wouldn't. "Я так рад, что вы делаете." _[I’m so glad you do.]_ He replied. He was relieved that he didn't stumble over the Russian words and brushed his hand down the curve of her hip as she lowered her hand. "спокойной ночи." _[Goodnight.]_

"Promise me again that you'll always do what you need to do because it's what you believe is right." She said in a whisper. She turned in his arms to face him, and he admired the flawless arches of her features. Even after all these years, she still took his breath away.

He wanted to ask why she was so adamant about this conversation even though he didn't know the context behind it, but he knew she wasn't telling him for a reason, and he trusted her. "I promise, Nat." He mumbled, closing his eyes as a wave of tiredness washed over him.

"Always?" She insisted.

He laughed softly, tilting his chin up to kiss her forehead. "Always."


	2. Something More Then Love

_"Steve, you promised me that night you gave me my ring! I don't regret helping you and Bucky Barnes... I know you'll come back for me, anyway. So, get this done, and I'll see you soon."_

Natasha Romanoff's words still echoed in Steve Roger's mind even though he'd talk to her over two months ago. Every, damn day he envisaged her beautiful, melodic voice. He was sure there wasn't a minute that passed when he didn't think about the beautiful redhead who he missed more than anything. They said that distance makes the heart grow fonder, and he'd come to figure out that it was true. It wasn't the same without her soft touches, and her small body tucked in his arms as she slept. Her steady breaths causing goosebumps to ghost across his skin and her stunning smile. Although, he was relieved that he'd tied the loose ends with Bucky Barnes, and T'Challa offered to help Bucky recover from HYDRA's experimentation, he wondered if it was worth the heartbreak of leaving Natasha behind.

Sometimes, he didn't think it was. Sometimes, he wondered if he should've just agreed with Tony and then, he'd still be at the Avengers Compound with Natasha in his arms...

He sat on the porch of the safe house T'Challa had provided them on the outskirts of the city of Wakanda, overlooking the mountains and rolling fields of golden wheat. Although, the two-story house with a wrap around porch was quaint and quiet, he was more than ready to return to the hustle and bustle of New York. He was on his tablet as he sipped from a bottle of beer, reading through reports and rumors of the Black Widow. She was vulnerable now, on the run from governments around the world, and she'd asked Steve not to contact her as there was the risk of their connection being wired tapped. He didn't know how he was going to find her, but he had to. Soon. Maybe she would even find him first. However, he doubted that she would seek him out. He had a feeling in his gut that something was wrong although, he couldn't pinpoint what exactly was amiss. All he could comprehend was feeling like he needed to get on the Quinjet immediately and find the woman he loved, as he'd come to realize while they were apart.

He was irrevocably and entirely in love with Natasha Romanoff. He loved her more than he'd ever loved Peggy Carter. It wasn't fair to compare the two women and he often didn't. He just knew that he was meant to spend forever, lifetime after lifetime, with Natasha.

Always.

"You should relax once in a while, Stevie. I got' something to ask you anyway." Bucky said with a heavy Brooklyn accent as he came out onto the porch, a bottle of whiskey in his silver, metal hand. Over the past month, Bucky had made significant progress although, much was still to be made as he met with Shuri multiple times a week.

Steve sighed, setting down the tablet and looking at his friend. "What?" He asked harshly. He realized how grating the tone of his voice was, and his azure eyes softened apologetically. "Sorry, man." He sighed again.

Bucky shrugged nonchalantly. "It's fine. Love does crazy things to people. Speaking of which, is Wanda single?" He asked, a smirk on his face as he watched Steve's reaction.

"Wanda Maximoff? The Scarlett Witch? No, you can't date her." He exclaimed with a shake of his head as a surge of protectiveness surged through him. He'd taken care of Wanda over the years; he was her mentor. Not only that but when Clint wasn't around, Steve and Natasha were the parental figures in her life. He couldn't envisage his best friend, notorious heartbreaker Bucky, and the girl Steve saw as a daughter, together.

He heard Bucky chuckle as he leaned against the railing of the porch, taking a swing of Whiskey straight from the bottle. "I'm not going to break her heart like I did to Yelena. I've changed." He said, glancing back at Steve who'd picked up the tablet again. "I know everyone says that, but I really have."

Steve snorted with laughter, thinking back on the time Natasha told him how she knew Bucky from way back in her day as a KGB assassin. Her sister, Yelena, had dated Bucky for over a year until his friend decided to flirt with other women from the Red Room and break off his relationship with Yelena. Natasha had been utterly vexed while she talked about how heartbroken her sister had been and admitted that they plotted to murder Bucky. Fortunately, she'd evidently let go of her grudge against him although, she wasn't sure if Yelena had. "It's not me you have to worry about. It's Nat. You'll have to stare down the barrel of her gun to even get near Wanda." Steve said after a long pause.

Before Bucky could reply, Steve's phone rang. He swiftly threw the tablet to the side and answered the cellphone, hoping to hear Natasha's voice through the speaker no matter how unlikely it was. At first, all that could be heard was static. "Hello?" He frowned, sitting up in the chair and pulling his broad shoulders back. His heart began to pound, his large palms sweating and his gut felt like it'd dropped to the floor. Something was wrong, he just knew it. He'd had the feeling for over a month now, agonizing over Natasha's whereabouts and whether or not she was safe.

"Steve!" Suddenly, Tony shouted his name into the speaker of his phone, and he was overcome with disbelief. He and Tony hadn't ended on good terms, and Ironman was the last person he expected to be on the other end of the line. He knew that Tony had too much pride to mend things although, Steve doubted that's why his former teammate was calling. It had to be something much bigger than that. Much, much bigger. "Don't hang up! Natasha... she's in trouble. We need you at the compound. This isn't a trick, I swear. It's bad, Steve. Really bad." Tony said hurriedly, panic seeping into his voice. There was rustling and more static on the line, but Steve hardly perceived it.

Panic slivered up his spine, curling it's wicked vines around his body and squeezing in a paralyzing grip. Natasha, _his_ Natasha, was in trouble. He'd promised her that he would do his best to protect her as his partner, to shield her and carry some of her burden on his own shoulders. She'd assured him that she didn't need his protection which quite frankly, he knew, but he still should've been there to prevent whatever had happened, whatever was so astringent that Tony had reached out to him despite the Civil War that raged just a few months ago. "Okay, I'll be there in a few hours." Steve choked out, his voice hoarse and ragged. He swiftly ended the call and rushed past Bucky, running into the house to grab a bag he had packed in case he and his friend had to make a quick getaway.

Bucky watched him with wide eyes and as Steve rushed back outside, his bag slung over his shoulder, he looked at his friend apologetically. "I'm sorry, Buck, but Natasha... I don-..."

"It's okay!" Bucky swiftly cut him off with an understanding smile. "I'll be fine. Go get your girl and explain things to me later."

Steve planned to do just that.

He felt guilty about abruptly leaving Bucky in Wakanda although, he knew he would be safe under Shuri and T'Challa's vigilant eyes. It just had to be done... he had to help Natasha.

He rushed off to the Quinjet concealed in an edifice yards away from the safe-house. His hands were shaking as he climbed into the aircraft and flicked on the controls. All he could think about were the 'what-ifs' and what happened to the Black Widow. How he should've never left and how he should've reached out to Natasha despite her asking him not to. As he prepared for liftoff, he messaged T'Challa, informing him of the situation and as soon as the ring sounded indicating the text had sent, the jet was in the air speeding north to New York. He tried to call Tony again but was directed to voicemail; all he could do was wait. He sighed and stared out the window of the jet, watching the blur of trees and mountains from the clouds. He felt sick to his stomach, his head spinning, and he had to sit down. He tried to call Fury and Maria along with Clint, but none of them answered much to his vexation. He felt entirely helpless and in the dark, chagrined with what exactly was going on.

It was two hours later when the Quinjet began to descend in altitude as he flew over New York and continued north. He sat down in the command seat and flicked off auto-pilot, navigating through the towering skyscrapers to the Avengers Compound on the outskirts of the city, surrounded by rolling fields and thick woodlands. The landing pad was already cleared for his arrival and as soon as the jet landed and the doors opened with an empathetic _whoosh_ , Maria was there to greet him. He inhaled deeply and swung his bag over his shoulder, masking his apprehension with a professional demeanor. Worrying and acting like love-struck wouldn't help Natasha; he had to pull himself together for her sake.

"Welcome back, Captain." Maria nodded at him in a cordial greeting, turning from the Quinjet and leading Steve into the Compound. She was usually good about veiling her sentiment, but Steve had come to know the S.H.I.E.L.D agent well. He perceived her wariness, her eyes glazed over and the dark circles above the arches of her cheekbones. The woman who was usually as poised as Natasha was unquestionably aghast and that alone portrayed the severity of the situation.

"Where's Nat?" He asked gruffly, ghosting over pleasantries. He wasn't here for a reunion, after all.

Maria shook her head as she glanced back at him over her shoulder, her lips pursed in a somber smile. She looked forward again as she led Steve through the winding hallways to the technological center on the other side of the edifice. For a long moment, her heels on the polished, marble floor was the only sound between them. "We lost contact with her two months ago." Maria finally spoke. "From what we understand from the intel we've gathered, her and her sister, Yelena Belova, were trying to bring down the last of the KGB. Natasha was supposed to meet Yelena at their extraction point and when she didn't, Yelena reached out to us for help." Maria said.

Steve's heart leapt into his throat. He knew how dangerous the KGB was, what they had done to Natasha and hundreds of others like her who weren't as lucky to escape alive. Affiliations like HYDRA and the KGB didn't just dissipate. There would always be villainous people who would try to spark the blaze of the organizations that never really seemed to burn out. It was their job as Avengers to continuous extinguish the flames, and Natasha and Yelena had tried to do just that.

"They... well, we know she's alive. They send us vi-videos and photos... god, Steve. It's awful, and she's not going to make it much longer. We need your help to find her." Maria choked out just as they reached the command center in the Compound. He stood in the doorframe as Maria walked past him and into the hub of computers where there were familiar faces of Tony, Yelena, Fury, and Sharon, along with others he didn't recognize. However, all he saw was red. Red, hot rage that flared inside him, enkindling him to _kill_ whoever was hurting Natasha. He tried to avoid murder although, it was apart of their line of work, but this was different. This was the love of his life he _needed_ to protect.

Before he did something stupid, like turn around and scour the world to find Natasha alone, Yelena stood from where she sat and rushed towards him. She embraced him tightly, her long, blonde hair was unkept, and there were dark circles under her dull eyes that were glazed over with exhaustion. He unclenched his fists and hugged her back, feeling her shudder against him as a sob pushed through her lips. "We'll find her." Steve told Yelena firmly as he tried not to dwell on the fact that she was crying. Yelena was just like her sister as they'd grown up in the Red Room together; she seldom showed emotion. He had met her years ago when he and Natasha had been in Europe for a mission, and Natasha had asked him if he wanted to meet her sister who was in town that day. He had said yes, and they'd spent the day together. He'd gotten to know Natasha as more than a partner that day, and he remembered feeling enthralled that she'd let him into her life like that.

"I know." Yelena sniffed, finally pulling back from him and wiping her eyes fiercely. She mustered a smile and turned around, walking back to the chair she'd been sitting in.

He stepped inside the room, nodding at Tony, Fury, and Sharon in a terse greeting. The silence was awkward, and he wasn't sure what to say to break it. He wasn't going to apologize for the side he'd chose, and neither were they. Fortunately, Maria broke the silence for them. "We think she's being kept in New York currently, but they've moved her around a lot." She said as she leaned over a computer, her fingers typing on the keyboard. "All we have to go by are these." She mumbled. She turned away from the computer as she pulled up the photos and videos she'd told Steve about, and the files were cast onto the large screen above them.

His blood ran cold, and he immediately understood why Maria hadn't been able to look.


	3. A Lucid Nightmare

Steve couldn't breathe. He couldn't think straight, and his vision blurred with tears. His breath came out in short pants as he stumbled from the technological base of the Avengers Compound, his fists clenched over his face as he sunk down to the floor next to the doorframe. The walls were closing in around him, and he squeezed his eyes shut. It was like he wasn't in the Avengers Compound anymore. It felt like he was annihilated in a horrifically, lucid nightmare that he desperately wanted to wake up from.

All he could hear were Natasha's screams from the video, his name from her bleeding lips as she cried for him to help her, to save her. All he could see was her blood on their hands, the drugs being injected into her vein, and the wounds on her frail body. He squeezed his eyes shut tighter, trying to force the graphic videos from his mind.

_"Steve Rogers is not coming for you, Natalia. You are ours. Haven't you realized that?" The sinister man hissed with a thick, Russian accent as he leaned above her on his knees. His hands, stained red from her blood, grasped her bare thighs and pulled her legs apart. She contended against him, fighting the drugs that coursed through her system, and aimed a weak punch to the side of his head. However, another man grasped her wrists and pinned her down to the cement floors._

_She cried. "Steve, help me! No... please!"  
_

_They ignored her._

_"Hurry up. They'll be here to get her in twenty." The man said as he held her wrists down._

_She didn't yield to them, twisting and thrashing, even as she cried. Even as she screamed for Steve, for him to help her, even as her dignity was taken from her with every brutal thrust of the man's hips and slam of her head against the floor until she was unconscious, and a trickle of blood dripped down her chin._

Steve felt Tony's hand on his shoulder as he leaned down beside him, but he couldn't open his eyes. He was afraid to. He was afraid to see Natasha on the floor in front of him, clinging to life and still fighting her captors with everything she had left. 

_It was a different man and a different room this time._

_She was chained to a wall. Her head was tilted back, and her eyes were glazed over from the drugs they used to restrain her. She didn't look at the man when he stalked towards her. She didn't look at him even when he pressed a knife to her throat and demanded her to speak. "You know, the government is offering a hearty reward for your friends. Steve Rogers, James Barnes, Wanda Maximoff... now, she'd be fun to play with." The man chuckled banefully. "Give up their location, and this'll all be over with."_

_She shook her head, her eyelashes fluttering as she struggled to remain conscious. "You'll have to kill me first. I will never tell you." She hissed._

_He abruptly stabbed her thigh with the knife he'd been holding to her throat. She hardly cried out, but she yanked against the chains and kicked out at him. However, her depth perception was off, and the man dodged her kick before he lunged forward and grasped the ends of her tangled hair. He yanked her head back forcefully, and she grit her teeth. "God, you‘re still stupidly stubborn. You're going to wish you were dead."_

Steve hardly perceived that Tony was talking to him. "I cannot imagine what you're feeling." Tony said, clasping his shoulder tightly.

The last video was the worst.

Maria said it was the most recent one, and Natasha looked like she was dying.

_It was the same man from the first clip.  
_

_She was underneath him as he held himself inside her, his hips grinding against hers. She was gazing up at the ceiling and lying in a pool of blood. She had a slash wound across her lower abdomen, and a bite mark on her left breast. "He doesn't love you. He never has and never will. You're a whore and that's all you'll ever be!" The man shouted. He grasped her chin, forcing her to look up at him. She closed her eyes, and he slapped her across the face, but she still didn't look at him._

_"I love Steve and you-know what? I think he loves me too. I know he'll come for me." She whispered hoarsely, drawing out each word with desperate breaths as her lips trembled and tears arched down her bruised cheeks._

_"You'll be dead by then." The man smirked. "And when he comes for you, we'll have exactly what we want."_

Tony grasped both of Steve's shoulders, hauling him forward away from the wall with an effortful grunt. He shoved something small into his clenched fist, and Steve blinked his eyes open to see the ring he'd given Natasha the night before the Secretary of State had come to the Compound. "They took it from her and were auctioning it off. We were able to get a hold of it." Tony told Steve.

He inhaled deeply, trying to compose himself. He quickly brushed the tears from his face and cleared his throat, pulling his shoulders back and glancing up at Tony. "Thanks, man." He said thickly, clutching onto the ring like it was Natasha's lifeline. He was overwrought with affliction because he'd never told Natasha he loved her, and he might not ever have the chance to do so if they didn't find her in time. He'd never felt pain like this - for her - but he knew he had to fight when she couldn't, to hold himself together like Natasha was doing so he could eventually hold her in his arms. Even if he would never get to hold her in his arms again, he just wanted her to be okay. Safe and out of harm's way. He slowly stood to his feet and followed Tony back into the technological hub. All eyes were on him when he stepped into the doorframe.

"They're using Natasha to get to you. They didn't send these videos just to send them. We have a location where we speculate that she's being kept, but we need to be very careful going into this. We're planning on sending some agents in to examine the area before we close in on them with you, Captain, at the front." Fury said. He looked just as exhausted as the others and just as heartbroken as they all felt.

Steve knew Fury was trying to be helpful, but he couldn't stand around and wait for the area to be secured. Time was running out... they needed to find her. "We are not sitting around and waiting while the woman I love is dying. We go to that location, tonight! Even if she isn't there, maybe we'll find something that will help us find her." Steve said, and there was a murmur of agreement that echoed throughout the room. 

Fury gazed at him from where he sat, scrutinizing him with his one, dark eye that wasn't covered with a patch. After a long moment of silence, he nodded his head. "Okay... assemble." He said dismissively.

Everyone filed from the room to prepare for the mission, murmuring to one another and discussing the plan that was already set in place. Steve was going to do the same, but Fury called him back before he walked from the room. He turned and strode towards the former S.H.I.L.D. agent, zipping Natasha's ring into the pocket of his jacket as he approached Fury. "I didn't know you and Agent Romanoff were this close." He said, clasping his hands together and smiling desolately at Steve, who didn't return the smile. "Well, I actually speculated it a long time ago. Anyway, I used to worry about her, believe it or not. She's had it rough, and she's had few caring people in her life. However, since you came into the picture, I found myself worrying less and less. I'd never seen her so happy; the first time I heard her genuinely laugh was actually with you. So, prove me right, Captain. Show me that I don't have to worry because you have her back just like she's always had yours."

Steve's heart twisted painfully as he listened to Fury. The former spy trusted very few people, and he had honorably trusted Steve who'd failed him; he should've searched for her the moment he felt that something was amiss. He could feel tears streaming down the arch of his cheeks again, but he fiercely wiped them away. "I will show you, and I won't fail her again." He said with the shake of his head.

"You never failed her, Steve." Fury said before he turned around and began to shut down the technological systems. 

Steve knew then that it was time to go.

He met everyone at the flight desk as if it was a regular mission although, that was far from the case. This was the most important mission any of them had ever been on.

He was relieved that the tension between he and the others had dissipated, and he stood beside Yelena and Tony as agents piled into SUVs and a helicopter circled above their heads. "We're storming the building. Hopefully whatever trap they've set can't withstand hundreds of people with guns." Yelena told him. "And a very vengeful sister."

"Don't forget about the vengeful lover." Tony grinned at Steve chastely. "And all these random people who apparently care about the Black Widow."

Steve's lips quirked up in a smile at their banter before he focused on situating his shield to the back of his ensemble he had swiftly changed into. Maria assigned him, Yelena, Tony, and herself to the SUV that would be the first one to circle the building and signal the attack. The plan was straightforward and the intent was clear: do whatever possible to save and protect Natasha. No one knew what they were charging into, but no one seemed to be afraid, fueled by passion and asperity to hurt those who had hurt their teammate.

Steve couldn't think of the hundreds of possibilities as he sat in the passenger seat of the SUV while Maria drove. There was only one way for this to end and that was finding Natasha alive. His heart was pounding against his rib cage as they approached the warehouse on the far side of New York City. It's roof was caving in, but the brick exterior was still solid and stable; it was the prosaic place for vile men to be hiding out with the Black Widow. "Work from the bottom up. Hopefully there aren't a lot of underground tunnels, but I expect there to be." Maria said as she parked the SUV directly in front of the eroding edifice. Dozens of SUVs pulled up behind them and above their heads, the helicopter hovered above the roof.

Then, Maria gave the signal through the transmission.

They charged. The attack was carried out with deadly precision, and Steve ran into the fray along with the others. The gunshots and shouting swiftly ensued although, he wasn't sure which side had shot first. They seemed to have caught the KGB copycats off guard although, that wasn't necessarily a good thing as they could decide to kill Natasha in a panic.

Time was running out... they needed to find her fast.

He held his shield in front of him as he ran forward, hearing the bullets clang off the Vibranium and whizz past his ears. He reached the entrance to the building and quickly found the stairs leading to the lower level with other members of his team beside him. There were at least six underground tunnels, and fear slivered its way up his spine. Natasha could be restrained anywhere, and there was the strong possibility that she wasn't even in the building.

He forced himself to choose one and ran down the shaft as members of his team took the others. It was forebodingly empty and once he reached the end of the tunnel, he turned around and ran back the way he came. He saw someone running towards him, a shadow in the dark as the lights in the building flickered off. His eyes focused quickly, and his heart leapt into his throat as he realized who it was. It was the man who raped Natasha in the videos. Flames of anger ignited inside him as he impulsively threw down his shield and charged at the man whose face was pathetically stricken with fear. Steve wanted to make him suffer, to pay the high price of what he'd done to Natasha, but he didn't have the time to do so. He grasped the man's head before he even had the chance to pull the trigger on his gun that was pointed at Steve and snapped his neck with the sharp flick of his wrists. The _crunch_ of his bones echoed through the tunnel, but Steve felt no remorse as the man's body crumbled to the floor.

All he could hear was his heart pounding in his chest; all he could feel was hope flickering inside him. He picked up his shield and ran back down the tunnel. Something was there that he'd missed before, something the man was coming back for. He jogged down the underground tunnel, running his hands along the walls as he searched for a hidden latch. Then, he swiftly recalled what Natasha had taught him on a mission where they'd been navigating underground tunnels in a research lab. She'd told him that if there was a hidden latch, it was always in the bottom left corner at the end of the connecting tunnel.

He bolted. He ran as fast as he could and nearly slid into the wall as he reached the end of the tunnel and dropped to his knees. The world spun around him as the flicker of hope caught fire and began to spread from his core. As he fumbled in the dark for the latch, he prayed for Natasha. He prayed she was alive, that she was right behind the trapdoor with her emerald eyes blinking at him and a sarcastic remark on her lips. 

He finally found the latch and pulled.

Nothing happened.

The wall didn't move an inch. Steve's heart dropped to the floor as hysteria bubbled inside him. He slammed his fists against the unyielding wall and shouted in despair as his heart torn in two. He'd failed Natasha. He'd failed her entirely.

Then, someone shouted his name. 


	4. Strong For Too Long

There was a sharp ringing in Steve's earpiece as Tony shouted through the communication system. "Steve!" His teammate exclaimed, his voice piercingly loud. Steve sighed heavily in response, dragging himself off the cold, cement floor, and he stood to his feet although, his legs shook underneath him. He'd thought that this was it, that the latch would open a chamber where Natasha was being subdued. The despondency and affliction was shattering, but he knew he had to continue on. He had to selflessly push through his own sentiment to save Natasha... she could still be in the building, after all. "Tunnel four is clear. I tried a hidden latch, but it didn't work... I also killed one of the men that was in the videos." He said despondently, holding down on the earpiece to communicate to his team.

Tony shouted again through the communication system after a few moments of silence. "Steve! We've got Nat! Come to the rooftop. Medical is getting ready to life-flight her!"

Steve swore his heart skipped a beat.

For a moment, he wondered if he was dreaming that they'd found Natasha. However, his pounding heart, trembling vast, frame, and elation flaring in his core told him that it wasn't actually a dream. His body reacted before his mind did, and his heart urged him to be at her side immediately. He ran as fast as he ever had before, his arms pumping his body forward as the muscles in his legs powered himself through the tunnel. He remembered to pick up his shield on the ground and used it to cover himself from the bullets as he propelled himself up the winding staircase that led to the rooftop of the edifice. He was apprehensive, overjoyed, and relieved all at the same time; apprehensive about the shape she was in, overjoyed that they'd found her in time, and relieved that she was safe. It was entirely overwhelming.

He reached the rooftop within a matter of seconds, powering through the battle that waged on around him. The fading sunlight peeked through the thicket surrounding the building, painting the sky in an array of colors. Even with the sun shining in his azure eyes and dozens of people around him, he saw her. He shoved through them all, even pushing past the medics to rush to her side. She was lying naked on a medical cot, covered with a white sheet that was already stained with her blood. Her eyes were closed and her face, as well as her entire body, was bruised and swollen. Every breath she took was shallow, but she was alive.

In that moment, that's all that mattered.

"Natasha." He said breathlessly, collapsing to his knees when he reached her side, and he grasped her hand in his. Her skin was cold and pale, her hand utterly frail and small compared to his own, large hands. He pressed his lips to the faint pulse in her slender wrist, squeezing his eyes shut when he began to cry, utterly overwrought that she had to endure this. She deserved so much more. She was a ray of sunshine with her kind smiles, gentle touches, and beautiful personality. She was an angel to him - his angel - that unthawed his cold, reticent heart from the ice. She should have the world, and her life should've been filled with happiness and love.

If only he hadn't been such a failure, and maybe he would've been able to give it to her.

He opened his eyes and looked at her when her fingers curled around his, squeezing his hand with the strength she had left. "Steve..." She whispered hoarsely.

He smiled through his tears, getting up off his knees to lean over her on the cot. He was surprised that she was conscious, and her gentle touch evoked vestige that he hadn't felt in so long. Medics worked around him as the helicopter descended to the roof, and he knew that he'd have to leave her side soon so she could receive the medical treatment she desperately needed. "You're alright, baby." He said, cradling the arch of her jaw with his other hand, his thumb lightly caressing the bruises that flourished across her face. "Just relax. You're safe." 

She opened her eyes, blinking at him with her stunning emerald gaze that still took his breath away every, damn time she looked at him. "I missed you." She whispered before she closed her eyes.

She slipped into unconsciousness, and he reluctantly stepped back from the cot as more and more medics began to work on her. He was just in the way now, and the situation was out of his hands. "God, I missed you too." He murmured, wishing she was awake to hear him.

Yelena came up next to him, and he looked at her. Her eyes were blown wide from the adrenaline that fighting evoked, but tears reflected in her eyes. "I've never seen her like this... so injured." She said. "I didn't think it was possible."

Steve mumbled in agreement. He felt that if he tried to speak, the sobs rising in his throat would push through his lips, and he wouldn't be able to stop them. He watched as the S.H.I.E.L.D medics lifted her into the helicopter, and he, along with Yelena, ducked below the rotors to swing themselves onto the aircraft as well. From where they stood against the wall, they couldn't see Natasha as doctors bustled around her, shouting medical terms and working with a sense of urgency. Even with his enhanced hearing, he couldn't hear the beeping of the heart monitor, but he heard specific words that made his blood run cold.

_She's drugged. Bleeding internally. Get the AED ready. She's going to code._

He watched them begin CPR, and he heard the distinct _buzz_ of the AED charging. He held himself together as much as he could, even though tears arched down his cheeks. He hugged Yelena to his side as she realized what was going on, and she began to cry. He’d never cried so much in his life, and he didn't think Yelena had either.

Natasha had been rescued; she'd survived horrific torture, but there was the possibility that she wasn't going to survive the flight to the hospital... the thought tore Steve apart. Sometimes, he forgot that she was human, and her heart _could_ stop beating. She had facsimiled super-serum, but it only augmented her physical strength. Everything else came from her drive to do good in a world that'd done her so wrong and _that_ strength came from within her soul. She'd been strong for so long - too long - but Steve prayed she had more fight left to pull through this.

Although, the flight was quick, it felt like eternity until the helicopter landed on the rooftop of the nearest hospital, and the medics ran Natasha into the building. It took all the restraint that Steve had to not run after them into the surgical ward. Instead, he helped Yelena off the helicopter, and they walked into the hospital. A nurse gestured at them, and they followed her down the stark, white hallway as she silently led them to a private room for families of the patients in the ICU. "I'll have a doctor update you as soon as one can." The woman said with her head bowed. "Do you two need anything right now? Your teammates are on their way."

"No." Yelena said quietly, and Steve shook his head.

The nurse mustered a kind smile before she turned and left the room. Steve collapsed in one of the chairs defeatedly, dropping his head in his hands and closing his eyes. _'She's going to pull through,'_ he repeated in his head over and over again.

"You found her. Whatever you did in that tunnel opened up a trap door on the roof and that's where they were keeping her." Yelena mumbled after a long moment of silence. She was still hovering in the doorway, but she'd regained her composure; it didn't even look like she'd been crying.

Steve shook his head, not looking up at Yelena. "I wasn't fast enough. I could've found that latch earlier if I looked harder." He replied. Years at war had taught him to think with a clear mind and void himself of all emotions in a fight. However, this mission had been different. This had been about saving the woman he loved and no matter how hard he could've tried, he never would've been able to omit his feelings for her. They'd clouded his judgement; he'd been overtaken by anger when he saw the man who'd hurt her, and he wasted precious time to kill him.

"She'll pull through. She's the strongest person I know, and she's got to stick around to take care of your old-ass, anyway." Yelena replied before she sat down in the chair across from his. He smiled and glanced up at her as she jested about his age, just like Natasha did constantly.

Silence encompassed them until the door to the room opened and Maria, Wanda, Vision, and Sam, stepped inside. He could hear Tony's voice from outside the hallway, and Steve stood as he saw his friends that he helped escape from the Raft. Wanda rushed up to him as soon as her eyes met his and he smiled, embracing the young girl tightly. "I'm so sorry I wasn't there to help." She said, pressing her head against his broad chest. Her long, dark hair cascaded down to her lower back, past the hem of her pink pajama pants, and Steve couldn't help but chuckle softly when he realized the pants were the ones Natasha often wore before the fight with the 'platinum bastard' Ultron.

"What?" Wanda asked, her eyebrows arched as she looked up at him.

He shook his head, his lips turned up in a smile as he pulled back from Wanda to shake hands with Sam and Vision. "I'm so glad to see you guys." He murmured. "Where have you been staying?" For a while, they had been with he and Bucky in Wakanda, but Natasha had secured Wanda, Vision, and Sam a safe-house, and he hadn't seen them since they left. He missed them; he missed his teammates and weekly movie nights, hearing them banter at breakfast, and the afternoons they spent exploring the city while undercover. He wished that Natasha's kidnapping wasn't why they had to come together again but nonetheless, he was still glad to see them.

"We've been in hiding nearby, but we were contacted by Stark to come see Natasha in the hospital." Sam replied. His dark eyes glanced behind Steve to look at Yelena, who sat in the reclining chair with her arms crossed over her chest, watching them heedfully. "You look really familiar..." Sam mused.

"I'm Yelena, Natasha's sister." She said tersely, withdrawn and judicious of everyone that'd came into the room, just like the Black Widow was around those she didn't know. 

Sam hummed in response and sat down in one of the chairs. "Well, I'm Sam Wilson, and it's nice to meet you." He said, evidently not vexed with Yelena's acrimony towards them. He had been around Natasha for years, after all.

Yelena's lips curved up in a smile as she perceived how cordial Sam was, and she appeared to relax significantly. She uncrossed her arms and leaned back in the chair as she and Sam began to converse. Wanda and Vision sat down as well, but Steve's uneasiness had returned. Natasha could be dying in the surgical ward just down the hall, and he wouldn't be able to live with himself if he wasn't there to hold her and tell her how loved she was as she took her final breath. He knew he was affront over nothing; the doctors would've informed them if she was, but the trepidation was staggering.

"How did everything else play out?" Steve asked Maria, referring to the arrests of Natasha's kidnappers and racists.

"Honestly Rogers, most of them are dead, but we figured out who'd facilitated Natasha's kidnapping... Alexei Shostakov." Maria replied. 

"The man Nat was in an arranged marriage with?" Steve frowned. He remembered Natasha telling him about Alexei and how the Red Room had forced her into an arranged marriage with the older, abusive man. It only lasted two months before she ran away but was apprehended by the KGB again. That was many years ago, and Steve had presumed that Alexei had died.

It seemed Yelena did too. "But I thought Natasha killed him?"

"They were able to save him, but he's dead now. Steve killed him, actually." Maria mused with a smirk tugging at the edges of her lips. "He was the man who was on the videos and in the tunnel that Steve ran down. He was going back to open the trap door when he ran into Steve. He just had so much plastic surgery done that we didn't recognize him." She said.

Steve was relieved that Alexei was dead and would never be able to hurt Natasha again, but there were still others out there who would. "Do we have other people in custody?" He asked. "We need to question them and find out what organization they're apart of and why they're after Nat." He said. He hadn't realized that he'd begun to pace the length of the room, and he swiftly halted by the door, combing his fingers through his tousled, blonde hair in vexation. He wanted revenge, to make them pay for what they'd done to her - to suffer.

"Yes, we do have people in custody, and I agree that we need to question them, but I think you should focus on Natasha right now. She has a long recovery ahead." Maria said.

Steve nodded numbly in agreement, forcing himself to sit down next to Vision. He'd be damned if he was going to let Natasha go through this alone. 


	5. End Of The Line

Steve Rogers had always hated hospitals.

The stark, white hallways and ardent smell of aseptic reminded him of the war, of the portable buildings where the screams of solider's in agonizing pain could be heard through the paper thin walls. Hospitals reminded him of a time when all hope was lost as most of the injured solider's who were carried into the tent, were eventually carried out in a wooden casket. He hated the white, lab coats that doctors wore and the blue scrubs the nurses donned, the way they mulled over the truth to give people hope even when there was none to give.

He'd come to hate hospitals significantly more as he waited by the door to the ICU where Natasha lay unconscious, fighting for her life. He, Yelena, Wanda, Sam, and Vision, along with Fury, Maria, and Tony who'd been coming and going, had been waiting to see her for over five hours. The doctors told them the same thing every time they came out from the room: _"Not until she's stable."_

Steve was trying to be patient, to keep his composure when all he really wanted to do was burst into the room and hold Natasha in his arms. However as the minutes ticked by, so did his patience as it withered away. His tears had ceased long ago, leaving him exhausted and drained, but desperately longing to be at her side. Yelena had fallen asleep in one of the waiting room chairs, but Steve couldn't even will himself to sit down for five minutes. His azure eyes heedfully watched the door until someone came out and told them that she was stable enough for them to enter the room. 

Finally, someone did.

"Alright..." Her surgeon, Dr. Wolsen, said as she came from the room. She left the door open behind her and disposed of her gloves in the bin beside the doorframe. "But only three visitors at a time." 

Steve's heart began to pound, his palms sweating as he swiftly made his way to the door. He was not waiting; he had to see Nat _now_.

Or so he'd thought.

As soon as he stepped into the room, he froze.

There she lay, looking more delicate and fragile than he'd ever seen _anyone_. IV drips hung above her head, a tube was down her throat, a mask was plastered onto her face, and the ventilator _buzzed_ loudly as it breathed for her. He'd never seen so many tubes and wires in his life and suddenly, he was afraid to touch her. He was terrified she would fade right before his eyes, and he would loose her for good.

"Steve, it's okay." Wanda mumbled behind him, nudging him forward so she could squeeze into the room. She walked to the bedside, tears streaming down the arch of her cheeks as she sunk down into the chair and took Natasha's pale hand. "She's okay."

He realized that he had began to cry as well, but he fiercely wiped them away... he had to be strong for her. He slowly walked to the bed as if she would shatter like glass if he stepped on the tile cracks. Every step he took broke his heart as more and more tears streamed down his face. He'd taken care of his mother as she was sick and dying of pneumonia, but she hadn't been lying in a hospital bed encompassed by formidable medical equipment like Natasha was.

He inhaled deeply, sitting down in the chair beside the bed and taking Natasha's hand in his. Wanda smiled at him encouragingly, and he mustered a smile of his own before he cast his gaze down. He stared at her hand as he brushed his thumb over her thin fingers and scarred knuckles. She was cold to his touch and horribly pale, but her heart was still beating... she was still fighting. "I'm so sorry, Nat." He whispered to her, his eyes flickering up to look at her beautiful face. "I should've never left." He said despondently, drawing her hand up to his lips and kissing the pulse in her wrist like he always used to do. As he stared at her, he couldn't help but admire her. He commended her strength and her passion, everything Natasha Romanoff stood for. She was covered with wounds and track marks from them drugging her, and there were bruises on her throat from them trying to choke her. Nor could he even envisage the mental torment she'd endured... yet, she'd fought like no one else could.

She had survived what no one could.

He didn't pay attention to the world around him, convened entirely on Natasha, as the others circled in and out of the room. He knew he should've left long ago to give someone else a chance to sit with her, but he couldn't. He needed to be at her side; to protect her, to have her back just like she always had his. The hours passed slowly, but he didn't move. He sat as stoic as the solider he was sculpted to be. Maria had told him to go back to the Avengers Compound and shower, but he refused.

"Not until she wakes up." Steve shook his head, glancing at his friend who stood on the other side of Natasha's bed with her arms crossed over her chest.

Maria glowered at him even though she'd been crying silently a minute ago as she'd sat beside Natasha on the bed. "If I bring a change of clothes, will you shower here?" She asked.

The look in her eyes told him he shouldn't argue with her. He simply nodded his head before he looked back at Natasha. Maria left the room and for the first time, he and Natasha were alone. There was so much Steve longed to say, but he didn't know how to tell her that he was in love with her and _needed_ her to wake up because he simply couldn't live without her. Words just didn't seem to be enough, but he had to try. "I love you, Nat. I love you so, damn much, and I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you." He said. His throat tightened painfully, but he squeezed her hand gently and forced himself to continue. "You shouldn't have to go through this, and I promise we will find every, single person who hurt you. You'll never have to fight alone again."

He disregarded the tears that slid down his cheeks and stood from his chair. Heedful of the wires and tubing around her, he leaned over her on the bed and pressed his lips to her forehead. "I love you, Natasha." He murmured, closing his eyes and wondering how she would have reacted if she was awake to hear him. He knew she believed that love was for children, but he wondered if she would've pushed him away or pulled him closer; if she would've told him that he was compromised or if she would've kissed him and stole the breath from his lungs like she always did.

Suddenly, she flinched.

Then, her entire body jolted, and he leapt away from her. His heart was pounding as he slammed his fist against the red call button and watched with fearful eyes as her breathing increased, her throat working hard against the intubation. He wanted to do something - anything - to help her, but he didn't know what was happening.

A nurse rushed into the room, pushing past Steve to unplug the ventilator. "She's breathing on her own." The nurse explained with a smile. "That's a great sign!" She said.

Relief washed over Steve, and he willingly immersed himself in it as the panic dissipated. His fists unclenched, and he stepped back towards Natasha. "When will she wake up?" He asked the nurse who'd disconnected a few of the wires and rolled the ventilator to the door. 

She turned to look back at him, a kind smile on her lips. "Hopefully soon." She replied before she left.

He huffed with vexation although, he knew no one could give him a definite answer. She would wake up when her body was ready, and they had to be patient until she did. With a few of the wires gone, there was room for him to sit on the edge of the bed, and he took her hand again as he settled down beside her. Maria soon returned to the ICU and ushered him to the en suite where he swiftly scrubbed himself clean before changing into the sweatpants and Dodgers tee-shirt she'd brought from the Avengers Compound. When he came from the en suite, Maria smiled at him from where she sat in the chair by Natasha's bedside.

"Her eyes are flickering, and she squeezed my hand!" Maria said excitedly.

He shared her elated smile and rushed over to the bed, taking Natasha's other hand. "She started fighting against the ventilator when I told her I loved her. It scared me, and I'm hoping she won't wake up and kill me." Steve told Maria, a soft chuckle pushing past his lips as he gazed down at Natasha adoringly. Color had returned to her face, and Maria had braided her hair as he was showering.

"It was about fucking time, Captain." Maria quipped. "I always thought you two would've been together years ago."

He sighed. He wished he would've had the courage to ask Natasha out years ago; to spoil her with embellished jewelry and five-star dinners, to take her on picnics in the park and candle-lit walks, to make love to her and memorize every curve, scar, and freckle of her body. He wished he would've shown her that she was his world and that he loved her long before he'd nearly lost her. "They say everything happens for a reason, but I don't understand why this happened." He said, glancing up at Maria.

"Maybe life is about figuring out why things happened, the good and the bad." Maria shrugged.   


* * *

Time passed slowly. Hours turned into days, and the days turned into weeks. At first, the doctors had been optimistic.

_"She's improving. Give her body time to recover, Captain."_

_"She's been through a lot of trauma. We're doing all we can to help her."_

_"If she doesn't improve, we are going to have to weigh our options and decide what to do."_

Then, they'd grown desperate and so had Steve. No one understood why she wasn't awake. She was breathing on her own, but her body was struggling to relegate the toxins the transgressors had injected into her veins. There was nothing they could do for her; she had to fight it on her own. Steve and Yelena didn't leave her side. The others visited as much as they could while investigating Natasha's kidnapping, and Maria continued to keep him updated although, they'd hardly made any progress. Fortunately, the disbanded Avengers had mended things with Tony who’d agreed to hide them from the government. Sam, Wanda, and Vision had moved into the Avengers Compound, and Tony had even offered Steve and Natasha a place there. As things were coming together, they were also falling apart.

Steve's world was crumbling as the doctor gave Natasha three more weeks before they had to honor her will, which he didn't even know she had, and cease all life saving means if she was still in a coma.

He couldn't even think about the possibility of saying goodbye. She _had_ to wake up.

He sat at her bedside the Wednesday of the second week. Yelena had returned to the Avengers Compound for a while, but he knew she'd return to the hospital within the hour.

"I've gotten to know your sister way more than I've ever wanted to." Steve mumbled to Natasha, his head propped up on his hand as he watched her with blank eyes as her chest rose and fell steadily. The doctors told them to talk to her, to play her favorite songs, television shows, anything and everything to stimulate her brain. "She's gotten close with Wanda, but Bucky also wants to take Wanda out, so it'll be interesting to see how this plays out." He told her. "I actually talked to him yesterday, and he'll be moving into the Compound next week."

Steve would've been looking forward to seeing his friend again if next week didn't mean that he'd have to say goodbye to the love of his life if she didn't wake up. His heart ached painfully as he thought about having to live without her. He felt like he was slowly going insane, staring at the hospital walls, at her - still alive yet not really, still fighting yet at her wits end. He was stupid - a fool - for not telling her that he loved her a long time ago because now, he may never have the chance.

His hands were shaking, and he stood from the chair, walking into the hallway. He could hardly stand the sound of the heart monitor, and he needed a break. He passed by a nurse who smiled sympathetically, but he didn't return the smile. He should be embarrassed; Captain America was an icon of strength and honor but there he was, wandering around the hospital with tears staining his cheeks, his features dark with exhaustion. He bought himself a water bottle from the vending machine before returning to Natasha's room in the ICU.

His eyes were glazed over with tears and his throat tightened as he walked over to her bed. He was just _so_ , damn tired. He was tired of the universe and fate, tired of living without Natasha and so tired of watching her fight a battle he couldn't fight with her.

If he would've looked up, he would've seen her emerald eyes blinking tiredly at him, but it was the sound of her voice that made him look up.

His water bottle fell to the floor.

"Hey, solider."


	6. Electric Shocks on Aching Bones

Steve gasped in shock. He didn't hear the water bottle hit the floor with a _thud_. He didn't see the nurse checking Natasha's vitals or Yelena at her bedside crying tears of pure elation. All he saw was Natasha looking at him with her captivating, verdant eyes. All he felt was relief and happiness... things he hadn't felt in so long, along with the extraordinary love he had for her.

"Nat!" He breathed, rushing over to her and cradling her face in his hands gently. He stared down at her like he was seeing her for the first time all over again and pressed his forehead against hers. He could tell she was still dazed and bleary, but her eyes met his as she leaned into his touch. His heart was pounding, his heart augmenting as his world righted itself. He was rendered speechless, and his eyes closed as his lips turned up in an enamored smile. He didn't have to say goodbye; he didn't have to find a way to live without her, which he could never do. She was awake, alive and _still_ fighting.

"Watch out, hon'." The nurse said, trying to do her job as she gently nudged him back so she could switch the oxygen mask to a cannula.

He reluctantly stepped away from Natasha and glanced at Yelena who was already on the phone letting their friends know that she'd woken up. They shared a relived smile, and he sat down in the chair beside her bed, grasping her hand. She pressed her palm against his, turning her head to look at him. "Disappointed I'm awake?" She said hoarsely, licking her chapped lips. She gestured to the cup of water on the table, and he grabbed it before the nurse could. He was resolute on taking care of her in every way he possibly could, even though she was surely going to be vexed with him at the end of her hospitalization.

"No. God no." He shook his head adamantly, even though he knew she was being derisive. He held the straw to her lips and brushed strands of hair from her face as she drank. Once she was done, he turned from the bed to sit down, but she grasped onto the hem of his shirt. She shifted slightly, and he quickly caught on to what she wanted. He squeezed himself onto the small hospital bed, curling around her as she pressed against his side and closed her eyes. He held her to his chest as she tucked her head into the crook of his neck, her breath fanning across his skin. The delicate curves of her frame fit against him perfectly, just like they were made for one another. Vestige and ardor spread like wildfire from his core and through his veins as he felt _home_ ; this is where he belonged - with her. "I missed you so much. I'm so sor-..."

She interrupted him before he could say anything more. "Not right now. Sleep first." She said, nuzzling her nose against the nap of his neck.

He chuckled softly, kissing the top of her head before he leaned back against the headboard. Goosebumps ghosted across his skin as he felt her breath fan over his neck. "You've been asleep for over two weeks." He teased.

After a long moment, she suddenly sat up and glanced at him before she looked down at her right hand despondently. "My ring is gone..." 

"Tony was able to find it. It's back at the Compound." He then told her, quickly easing her apprehension as he brushed his thumb over the worry lines across her forehead.

"Yelena, can you have someone bring it for me?" She asked her sister who nodded and continued to speak to whoever she was on the phone with.

She mumbled incoherently, most likely a 'Thank you,' and laid back down on Steve's broad chest. He stroked her hair until he heard her breathing steady. As much as he wanted to proclaim his love for her and kiss her senseless until all he could do was whisper her name, and they were entirely enraptured with one another, he could wait a few hours. He'd waited over two weeks, after all, and he would wait a lifetime if it meant that he would be apart of Natasha's life.

"She woke up, just like that?" Steve asked Yelena, effortlessly adjusting Natasha in his strong arms as the nurse fiddled with the IV in her hand. Natasha groaned in exasperation and tried to pull away, but the nurse held her still. The woman didn't say anything as she worked around Steve, even though he knew he was breaking about a dozen hospital rules.

Yelena nodded, hanging up the phone. "Yeah. I walked in, and she was waking up." She mused. "The others will be here in ten minutes, okay Natasha?"

She nodded in response, the top of her head brushing against Steve's jaw. 

"Baby, do you need anything?" He asked her, knowing she was awake now. She was probably irritated with everyone fussing over her, but she was acting like everything was fine, like she hadn't been through horrific trauma that she hardly survived. He wasn't sure how else she was supposed to act; this was Natasha, after all. However, he felt unnerved, wondering if he should ask her about what happened when they were alone or let her push it all down until it bubbled to the surface, and she was forced to face the music.

He curled his arm around her waist as she pressed closer to him. "No..." She finally mumbled, glancing up at him as if she wanted to say more but decided not to.

They'd never acted like this; agnate to desperation for one another's touch and presence. Every move around one another had been calculated and careful; she had a reputation to live up to, and he had a team to lead. However, at night, their walls would crumble, and they would fall apart in one another's embrace. Now, it seemed that the walls were gone forever. He loved her, and she adored him. There was no denying it anymore, and Steve thought that it was wrong to even question it. He hoped she did too. She didn't shift away from him as their teammates bustled into the ICU a while later, all bright smiles and kind words. Steve took it as a win when she simply sat up in his arms and leaned against his chest as she talked with them.

"Damn, I always knew there was something was going on between Nat and the Cap-sicle!" Tony exclaimed when he stepped into the room and saw Natasha and Steve.

Steve rolled his eyes in response and drew Natasha closer. He was quiet as he listened to the conversation around him, and Wanda gave Natasha her ring back, which she immediately slid onto her finger. No one talked about what happened; no one asked her, and she didn't allude to the details of her kidnapping.

He tried to be patient, he really did, and a week went by. 

He supported her and held her through the long nights in the ICU, helping her as she began to walk again and slowly gained her strength back through physical therapy. Bucky had moved into the Avengers Compound and even visited Natasha although, she was less than thrilled to see him. Yelena was down-right fuming but after a few days, she'd set aside her acrimony.

It was a quiet afternoon when Natasha asked if he'd return to the Compound and pack a bag of her clothes so she didn't have to wear the hospital gowns. He hadn't left her side since she'd been hospitalized, and he was reluctant to, arguing that Wanda or Yelena could bring her a bag. However, she had him wrapped around her finger and one look into her emerald eyes had him diffidently agreeing. He drove back to the Compound in the car Tony had dropped off for him and made his way up to her suite. Her floor was unsurprisingly empty; he assumed she'd cleared out her things after the Civil War, but he dug through her closet and packed the clothes that he found and a few of his own tee-shirts that she liked to sleep in. He swiftly returned to the hospital and found Natasha staring ahead blankly when he walked into the room.

His blood ran cold through his veins. He set down the bag, and she looked at him, her eyes void of sentiment. It was haunting. She was trying to mask everything like she did so well, but he knew she was fighting the demons in her mind - her past that really couldn't seem to stay in the past - and reliving the torture of the Red Room and the recent kidnapping. He wished he could take the pain away from her, even if it was just for a moment so she could feel free. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked, walking over to the bed.

She sighed, casting her gaze down from his. For a moment, he wasn't sure if she would even respond, but she finally spoke. "I don't even know where to begin." She said.

The despair in her voice made his heart ache painfully. He slid his arms around her lower back, turning her so her legs hung off the bed, and he stood in between her thighs. "You don't have to start from the beginning and tell me a report, Nat. You can tell me whatever is going on in that pretty, little mind of yours. Even if it makes no sense, I'll pretend it does." He told her assuredly.

Her arms wound around his neck, and she laid her head against his chest. "I know they had a camera on me. Did you see any of the videos?" She asked quietly.

He'd tried not to think about the clips Maria had shown him, but he recalled them vividly; they would haunt him until the day he died. "Yes." He choked out. "I killed the guy you were in an arranged marriage with."

The corner of her lips turned up in a smirk, and she looked up at him through her long eyelashes. "I knew I liked you, Rogers. Although, I wished he would've died the first time."

He hummed in agreement.

"I really thought I was going to die, you' know. I wanted to just so it'd be over with, but I also hoped that you'd come in like your star-spangled ass always does and save me." She said with a soft laugh. "Fortunately, Yelena knew she couldn't handle everything on her own... if she didn't reach out to Tony for help, who the hell knows what would've happened."

He held her tightly, daring God to try and even take her away from him. "Why did they take you in the first place?" He said, his throat tightening. Hearing her say that she wanted to die while under her transgressors clawed at him painfully. If only he'd listened to everything inside him that told him to find her.

_If only._

"I don't know exactly although, I have my speculations. I do know that I was being used as a pawn." She replied. "And a punching bag. And a whore."

"Natasha!" He admonished, pulling back to look at her, but she looked down and shoved his hand away when he tried to tilt her chin up. He dropped to his knees instead, grasping her hands in his and imploring her to meet his gaze.

When she finally did, he saw the tears in her eyes that she was trying to hold back. "What? You saw the videos...it just reminds me that I'm used and ruined - that I'm repulsive inside and out. I don't remember what it means to be truly happy, and I don't understand how you can even touch me." She said, her voice wavering at the end, and she squeezed her eyes shut. A single tear slid down the arch of her cheek, and Steve brushed it away with his thumb.

"You are none of those things, baby." He said earnestly. "You can't help what happened to you. It was horribly unfair and not your fault. I know it hurts... I can't even imagine how much, but you'll get through this. You're so _fucking_ strong; the strongest person I have ever had the honor of knowing, and I promise you won't be alone." He told her, speaking from the bottom of his heart and meaning every word. "It's okay to be upset and angry; you're human. It's apart of healing, remember what you told me?" He said. She nodded slowly, recalling the time before S.H.I.E.L.D fell to Hydra, and she was spending her days helping him adjust to the modern world. "You mean so much to everyone, and you're my whole heart. You have so many reasons to continue healing from this and hell, we should probably retire once we hunt those bastards down." 

He was surprised when she suddenly slid off the bed and into his lap, but he reacted quickly and held her close. She trembled against him with every sob that pushed past her lips, shattering his heart, as she cried into her hands. He'd seen her cry before, but it still devastated him every time.

When she regained her composure and pulled her hands away from her face, Steve mustered a smile and kissed her forehead. "Can I tell you something, Nat?" He murmured, _finally_ having the courage to say the words he wanted to for so long.

She nodded.

"I love you. I love you more than anything." He said. 

He watched her face morph into surprise, relief, and then bliss. "I love you too." She said with a breathless laugh. "Will you _finally_ kiss me? Because your lips are everywhere but on mine."

He laughed, pulling her close and _finally_ kissing her.

It was about, damn time he did.


	7. In Every Lifetime, I’d Choose You

Natasha was discharged from the hospital four weeks after she'd awoken from a coma. After four weeks of vexing physical therapy and counseling from a therapist, the doctors had finally cleared her to return to the Avengers Compound. Her road to recovery had been bumpy; she'd lost most of her muscle mass, making physical therapy grueling and at first, she refused to even look at the therapist who visited every day. She did eventually come to the realization that talking to a professional about how she felt helped significantly, just as long as Steve was by her side the entire time.

He was more than happy to be there for her.

Her road to recovery had not ended, however; the investigation of her kidnappers was still ongoing, and the only person who would bring it to a close would be Natasha. Steve knew she was more than ready to return to work, but the doctors hadn't cleared her for that quite yet. They were also still considered war-criminals although, Tony was extraordinary kind to provide them a safe place at his Compound.

Nonetheless, she practically skipped out of the hospital room and as Steve walked behind her through the hall, their bags slung over his broad shoulders, he couldn't help but smile at her elation. It was contagious, spreading through him like wildfire and alighting his heart in the way that only Natasha could. They were together, 'officially.' Although, spending all their time in the hospital hadn't given them much intimacy. He tried his best by bringing her flowers, home cooked meals, and swore that he'd take her on a date as soon as she was discharged.

It seemed she hadn't forgotten his promise.

"So, are you going to take me out now?" She asked with a smirk as they were in the elevators riding down to the garage floor. 

He chuckled, wrapping his arm around her waist and leaning down to brush his lips against the shell of her ear. "Let's get you settled in at the Compound, first." He spoke lowly. His fingertips slipped under her - well, his - shirt and caressed her smooth, creamy skin. Searing heat pooled into his core as vestige sparked from within him when she shuddered against him and inhaled sharply. He longed to kiss her until they were both breathless, but he was more than okay with taking things slow after what'd happened to her. The last thing he wanted was to scare her away; he needed her to be comfortable with everything that transpired between them.

"You're supposed to wine and dine a lady before you take her to bed." She murmured, glancing up at him and fluttering her eyelashes seductively. She fortunately hadn't let her kidnapping subjugate who she was; the bright, flirty woman they all knew was still there.

He chuckled, pulling his arm from around her to grasp her hand as the elevator doors slid open. "We skipped that part, remember? Been' sleeping with you for a while now." He said. He led her to the car and opened the passenger door for her. She leaned her weight into his hand as she sunk down into the leather seat carefully. It reminded him that she wasn't healed entirely, that her mind and body was still wounded and the scabs hadn't scarred over. A swell of protectiveness surged through him although, she'd probably despise him if she knew how much he worried about her.

"That's not what I meant, Rogers." She said dryly as he got into drivers seat and started the engine.

He glanced at her as he drove from the garage and into the bright sunlight of New York City. "We're taking things slow. You deserve the world, and I want to try and give that to you." He said, reaching across the center console and taking her hand. He brushed his thumb over her knuckles and smiled to himself as she gently squeezed his hand.

"You're such a heartthrob, ya' know that?" Natasha laughed, tucking her knees underneath her and leaning across her seat to press herself against him. She brushed her lips across the arch of his jaw, and he felt his cock harden in his jeans as his blood roared in his veins. His grip on the wheel tightened until his knuckles turned white, and he tried his hardest to focus on the road ahead of him instead of staring at the breathtaking woman beside him... or completely omitting logic and kissing her senseless. The Compound was only twenty minutes from the city, and the last thing he wanted was to wreck the car, putting Natasha in harms way and surely getting on Tony's last nerve.

"You're such a tease, ya' know that?" He mocked, gently pushing her back into her seat. "And we're going to end up in a ditch if you keep this up."

She rolled her eyes in response and gazed out the window as they drove out of the city and onto the winding roads of upstate New York. Comfortable silence enveloped them as Steve drove while Natasha mindlessly brushed her fingers across his hand in arbitrary circles. He occasionally glanced at her, wondering how he'd gotten so fortunate to be apart of her life. He was just _so_ , damn lucky.

"Where are you planning to stay?" Natasha asked, breaking the silence between them as he pulled up to the security gates of the Avengers Compound.

He rolled down the window, punched in the code, and continued down the driveway to the massive edifice. "I was hoping to be able to stay with you." He replied humbly. He needed her, not just because he wanted to protect her, but because she was the beacon of hope in his life, pulling him from the dark depths of the sea and mending him like a saving grace. He needed her and sometimes, he thought that she might just need him too.

"I want you to stay with me. You saw the videos, Steve. Those men are still out there, and I can't face them alone." She said, sounding something akin to desperate as she turned in the leather seat to look at him, her eyes telling him everything else she couldn't say.

He swiftly parked the car and reached out to pull her as close to him as he could, despite the confines of the small car. One of his hands cupped the back of her neck and the other caressed the curve of her waist as he gazed into her emerald eyes. "You will never have to fight alone." He told her firmly.

He saw her eyes flare with sentiment, and she closed the space between them, kissing him deeply. Every kiss, every touch, and every look into her eyes took his breath away. He'd never become callous of the sparks between them, the rush of cogent emotion. It was like nothing he'd ever felt before, and he knew it was because he was hers, and she was his, that _maybe_ a higher power had put them into this lifetime for a reason and given them the chance to be together.

She rolled his bottom lip between hers, and her tongue brushed against his in a carnal, open-mouthed kiss. He couldn't hold back the groan that arose in his throat as he relished in the delicious taste of her, seeing sparks behind his closed eyes. He slid his lips against hers and then traced his tongue along the seam of her top lip before he tilted his head and kissed her passionately. His lungs burned for air, and he was sure hers were as well with the way her breasts rose and fell rapidly against his chest.

"I love you." She murmured through her soft pants as she slowly pulled back from the kiss. Her eyes were still closed, and she licked her lips, seeming to savor the kiss.

He smiled adoringly, brushing her hair back from her shoulders before he leaned in to kiss her once more. It short and sweet, and he pulled back reluctantly after a moment; he just couldn't get enough of her. "I love you too." He said. Now that they'd said the three, meaningful words, they couldn't seem to stop saying them. The past few weeks had reminded Steve that life could change in an instant; that a simple goodbye could be their last, and he would never let a moment pass him by after he thought that he may not have the chance to tell Natasha how much he loved her.

There was a tap on the window, and they quickly pulled back to see Tony gaping at them, his hands on his hips and a smirk on his lips. "Alright, lovebirds!" He quipped.

Steve couldn't help but chuckle as he unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car to open Natasha's door before she could. He grasped her hand and helped her out as Tony grabbed their bags from the trunk. "I still need to get used to the fact that you two are actually dating." He said, leading them into the main building of the Compound and down the long hallway to the quarters.

"Don't be jealous, Tony. I don't share, and you've missed your chance with Steve." Natasha jested, making both the men groan in disgust.

"God, Nat. I kinda' miss when you were asleep and couldn't make such shitty jokes." Tony smirked back at her.

Steve had truly missed _this_. His teammates banter, the terrible jokes and teasing, and the family dynamic that came with being an Avenger. He wasn't sure if would last with so many nations out for their heads, but he was going to enjoy it while it did.

She simply laughed and pushed past Tony once they reached her suite. "Everyone is coming over tonight for dinner around 6, even Clint's family. It really is nice to have you guys back." Tony said, handing Steve their bags before he followed Natasha inside.

He smiled, clasping his friend on the shoulder in a gesture of gratefulness. "Thank you, Tony." He said, meeting his eyes.

Tony smiled understandingly. "Don't thank me just yet, Cap. We still gotta' find those bastards who hurt her."

Steve nodded in agreement before Tony turned and walked down the hallway while he headed into Natasha's suite. He knew the place like his own with how many times he'd spent the night before the Civil War, and he could hear her moving around in the bedroom, most likely changing from the hospital clothes she'd been wearing. He set down their bags and collapsed on the couch, tilting his head back and closing his eyes as a swell of exhaustion washed over him like the tide. He didn't realize how exhausted he was. He hadn't slept properly in weeks, and his trepidation over Natasha not waking up from her coma had truly taken a toll on him.

"Are you okay, Steve?"

He opened his eyes as Natasha came from the hallway and peered down at him before she sat down in his lap, her legs on either side of him as she drew her arms around his neck.

He hummed in inclination, holding her close to him with his arms around her lower back. "Yeah, baby. Just tired." He said. He tilted his head forward and pressed his forehead against hers.

Her lips turned up in a beautiful smile. "But not tired enough for a kiss?" She laughed softly before she leaned in and brushed her lips against his.

His chest rumbled with a moan as she nipped at his lower lip. He opened his mouth for her, and their tongues slid together, entirely in tune with one another like the beat to his favorite song. She slid forward in his lap, her hips pressing against and her core brushing against his hard, thick length straining against the zipper of his jeans. He pulled back as a delicious shiver went up his spine, trying to reel in his desire for her as he gazed at her. Her pupils were blown wide, her cheeks flushed and her lips plump. _God_ , she was a breathtaking vision that made his heart skip a beat. "You are so beautiful, Nat." He hummed, sponging kisses across the arch of her jaw as she tilted her head back. 

"I want you, Steve. You aren't going to hurt me... I trust you." She said breathlessly, tangling her fingers into his tousled, blonde hair and pressing him closer to her.

He complied eagerly, sucking her pounding pulse and brushing his tongue against her skin in small circles. He was aflame hearing that she lusted for him, that she _trusted_ him, but he was still reluctant and wanted to take things slow, afraid that he would lead her to believe that their relationship was just about sex, when that was far from the case. "I'm perfectly fine with the way things are going, even if we never make love." He murmured truthfully.

Natasha shook her head, cupping his jaw and imploring him to look at her. "Show me how good sex can feel." She said before she kissed him. "How good love feels..."

_That did it for him._

He kissed her back with just as much passion. grasping her hips and holding her close like she was something entirely exquisite.

She was to Steve. 

"In every lifetime, I'd choose you, Natasha Romanoff." He whispered against her lips before he picked her up in his strong arms and carried her into the bedroom, his lips never leaving hers.


	8. How Good Love Feels

Steve carried Natasha to the bedroom, her fingers in his blonde hair and his hands on her arched, lower back as they kissed passionately, tongues entwined and lips moving together. Her legs were locked around his hips, and his head was spinning, his blood coursing through his veins as sizzling desire pooled into his core. Hearing her tell him to show her, 'How good love feels,' had invoked incredibly ardent avidity, and he planned to do just that, to show her how much he loved her because words just weren't enough.

As he stumbled into the bedroom, he felt his knees hit the bed frame, and he pulled back from the kiss to lay her down gently, taking a moment to gaze down at her. Her skin was flushed all the way down to the swell of her breasts, and her eyes shone with a certain fervor that made his heart pound in his chest. No one could've ever made him feel the way she did, and every part of him was hers. "I love you. Always." He murmured, dropping to his knees on the bed. He bent down and kissed a spot on her thigh, her hip, and then her neck. He felt her tremble underneath him, tilting her head back against the pillows as she arched into his touch.

"Then show me." Natasha whispered. She reached down and grasped the hem of his shirt, tugging it over his head and then her hands were on him. Her fingertips caressed the muscles on his back before she drew her hands to the broad expanse of his chest and closed her eyes. She'd touched him plenty of times - when she'd ducked behind his shield, when she'd check him over for injuries after missions, when they'd sleep together in bed - but this was different. Something more daunting but much more electrifying.

His hand slid under her shirt, tugging on it gently as he wordlessly asked for consent. She nodded her head, and he lifted the piece of clothing over her. He swallowed thickly as he took in her stunning frame and her breasts held in a white bra. She had her scars but each one told an individual story that he wanted to know, her freckles like the beautiful constellations in the sky, and he was determined to memorize them all.

"Are you going to stare the whole time while I do all the work, Rogers?" Natasha smirked from below him, reaching behind her back and unclasping her bra, taking it off and throwing it somewhere on the floor. 

Oh, God.

He shook his head numbly, bowing his head and sponging kisses across her right breast as his hand came up and teased her left nipple. She arched into his touch, and he glanced up at her as he circled his tongue around her tit, watching her roll her bottom lip between her teeth as she bit back a moan. He'd only dreamed of this; having Natasha in this way, as his and only his. He'd never been the possessive-type in the past, but she owned his soul, and it was only fair that he had a part of hers. He sucked and nipped at her right nipple, sponging kisses on her breast before he did the same to the other. His length was unbearably hard, straining against the zipper of his jeans and pressing against her thigh. However, it was all about her, although, he got just as much pleasure watching her come apart because of him.

He already knew he could spent hours between her legs making her cum simply because he loved her.

"Take your jeans off." Natasha murmured, her hands sliding down his chest and his hard-ridged abs to pop open the button of his pants. Her fingers grazed the tip his length through his briefs, and he groaned huskily as pleasure twisted up the length of his body.

He briefly pulled away from her to shove his pants down his legs before he slid over her, nudging her knees apart with his own. His hands caressed the curves of her body, and he leaned in to kiss her. What started out as deliciously sweet and slow, quickly spiraled into rousing passion and for a while, he lost himself in her entirely, willingly drowning in the waves of endless waters. "You are stunning." He whispered once he came back to earth and reined in his control to pull away from her. He began to kiss down her body, his tongue tracing over every scar and freckle on her abdomen. "This okay?" He asked once he reached the waistband of her leggings.

"Yes. This is perfect." She hummed, and he smiled up at her before he pulled her leggings and panties off together.

"So, fucking beautiful." He moaned as he took in her soft, red curls above her wet cunt. Her legs were splayed on either side of his shoulders, and he inhaled deeply, pressing a doting kiss to her slick folds. She gasped, and her fingers tangled in his hair, tilting her head back as he sucked on the apex of her thigh. He wanted to dive in to her silky heat and never resurface, but he knew he had to tease her, to work her up until she was ready to cum on the tip of his tongue. He didn't have much experience, but he could read her body and was more than inclined to learn every sweet spot she had.

"Steve..." She whimpered, a near plea for him to do something - anything, and she tugged gently on his hair, drawing him closer to where she wanted him the most.

A swell of pride surged through him; her moans and cries were only for him to hear, only for him to draw from her.

He parted her folds with his tongue, tasting her silk and immediately wanting more. He licked up the length of her sweet cunt and circled her clit with the tip of his tongue, a moan rumbling in his chest as she arched closer to him. He slid his tongue inside her, lapping up her cream that he coaxed from her, and he felt her walls flutter. He then reached up and used his index finger to tease her before he began to suck on her clit as he slowly eased his finger inside her, all the way to his knuckle. She moaned, carnal and loud, and he decided then that was his favorite sound. He sucked and nipped at her clit more firmly as he eased another finger inside her and curled them both.   


She moaned again, and her legs hooked over his shoulders. "Oh, my God... Steve!" She cried, her hips arching up and grinding on his face. 

He groaned, curling his fingers in and out of her tight core as he lapped at her clit, intent on making her cum. He could tell she was close to the crest of her orgasm, her walls fluttering, and her moans becoming high-pitched. He _needed_ more. Drawing his hand away, he curled his tongue inside her like a starved man, _in and out_ , until she arched off the bed.

"Yes, _oh_ , Steve!" She cried wantonly. 

Her hips jerked as she came around his tongue, and he eagerly lapped at everything she gave him, only pulling away when she became too sensitive and tugged on his hair. "I didn't think anything could feel that good." She said breathlessly, her chest rising and falling with each rapid inhale and exhale.

He smiled adoringly and crawled over her, kissing her lips momentarily before he returned to her breasts, planning to lavish more attention to her body.

"Mhm, no, Мед. I want you inside me." _[Honey]_ She murmured, pulling his face up, and he leaned his forehead against hers.

He moaned huskily as she reached down and gripped his thick length, running her hand over his length before she brushed her fingertip over his slit dripping with pre-cum. Heat coursed all the way down to his toes as she ran her hand up and down his cock, his abdomen tightening deliciously as she squeezed the base. "A-are you sure about this?" He asked, a moan rumbling in his chest. 

She nodded. "More than anything." She replied, positioning his length against her cunt.

"I love you." He murmured, kissing her as he slid his length between her folds, coating himself in her silk. She was wet and ready for him, and he sunk into her slowly, moaning as his length rubbed against her walls. "Are you okay?" He asked against her lips, holding himself deep inside her. She was hot, wet, and incredibly tight; it stole the breath from his lungs, and he was enveloped in everything that was Natasha. She had him, mind, body, and soul, and he didn't want it back.

"Yes, fuck, _yes_." She moaned, throwing her head back against the pillow. She grasped his hand, and he entwined their fingers as she tangled her other hand in his hair.

He pulled out, only to thrust inside her, deliciously slow and deep. Again and again, stroking her higher and higher. His heart was pounding, his muscles coiled, as he felt white, hot pleasure spreading from his cock and up his abdomen. He pressed his forehead against the nape of her neck, relishing in every beautiful sound that came from her lips. A strand of his control snapped as he heard her, and he grasped her thigh, bending her knee and hooking her leg over his arm. She cried out as he sunk in deeper, brushing a spot inside her that had her back arching and mewls spilling from her lips. His hips snapped against hers, and she tightened around him.

"Ah, _ah_!" She cried.

"Are you okay?" He asked through a moan, momentarily concerned as she cried out loudly, and her hips arched underneath him.

"My God, yes." She moaned in response, her nails scraping along the muscles in his shoulders as she rolled her hips with his. “Don’t _fucking_ stop!” 

She was close, he could tell, and so was he. With each deep, slow thrust, her walls fluttered around him, their moans louder and louder until all that could be heard was the headboard against the wall, and their wanton cries for one another. He knew he wasn't going to last much longer, but he needed her to cum first. "Look at me, Natasha." He gasped, lifting his head from the nape of her neck and meeting her emerald eyes glazed over with pleasure, just like his were. He bent her knee further up his arm, fumbling between them and brushing his thumb over her swollen clit. Her jaw dropped, and he grunted. "God, Natasha." He moaned, holding her gaze. Her eyelashes fluttered, and he could tell she was right on the peak of her orgasm.

He rubbed her clit more firmly, angling his hips and hitting the sweet spot inside her. "Steve!" She cried his name, arching underneath him as she came around him, bringing him over the edge with her.

He moaned, holding himself deep inside her as the tip of his cock popped, and he filled her with his cum. She milked him for all he was worth, massaging his length with her walls as they rode out the highs of their orgasms together. "Jesus Christ, Nat." He hummed, gasping for his breath as he sponged loving kisses across her jaw. He could still feel the twinge from his orgasm as he slowly pulled out of her and collapsed beside her on the bed.

She sat up and laid over his chest, trying to catch her breath. He could feel her heart pounding against his chest, and he smiled, running his hands up her back. "Was that your first time?" She asked, glancing up at him with her breathtaking eyes.

"No, my second." He replied. His first was a woman he'd hooked up the week he came out of the ice. It'd been disappointing to say the least, and he regretted that night, everything with Natasha was incredible- exquisite - and she would be his last.

She hummed, seemingly pleased. "I've never had sex just for the hell of it. I was either raped or had to get a little too close and personal on missions." She said, tilting her head up to look at him.

"You'll never have to go through that again." He said, his heart twisting painfully as he processed her words. Everyone saw Natasha Romanoff - the Black Widow - as pristine perfection, as the woman who could bring any man down with unyielding and unforgiving sentiment. However, she was far from that. She had the kindest heart, she was the most radiant person he'd ever known, and she would go to the ends of the earth for the people she loved. Steve felt honored that he'd gotten to know the beautiful woman who made him feel _alive_.

She giggled, brushing her finger over the arch of his cheek. "I was hoping you'd say something like, 'We'll be having sex just for the hell of it more often'." She teased.

He groaned, leaning into her touch as the cool metal of her ring pressed against his flushed skin. " _Oh_ , we will be." He hummed, tilting his head down to capture her lips in a fervent kiss.

She hooked her leg over his hip and straddled him, cupping his face in her hands and kissing him back, flicking her tongue against his top lip. He was already hard and grew harder with every, ethereal brush of their lips, every grind of her hips against his as he felt her wet cunt press down on his length. "You're going to be the death of me." He murmured with a soft chuckle as she pulled back to kiss his neck, sucking on a spot that made his lower abdomen tighten deliciously.

"Yeah?" She teased. "Always?"

"Always." He whispered back.


	9. Forever The Black Widow

_"You don't have to do this, Natasha."_

Steve had told her, over and over again. It was something she knew already. She didn't have to fight this battle, the waging war against the small KGB organization, to hunt down the men who'd hurt her and make them suffer. She didn't have to bring them down, but she _needed_ to. She had to be the one to put bullets between their eyes, relishing in the fear that shined in their beady eyes that'd stared down at her bruised, naked body like vicious predators. Her grip on her handgun tightened, the metal biting into her skin, as she was taken back to the weeks of torture and assault. The weeks of helplessness and desperation, longing for anyone - specifically, Steve - to save her.

She'd always thought the walls around her heart were unyielding, but Steve had came into her life as Captain America, there to save the day by climbing her high towers, taking her hand, and quite literally dragging her out of them. 

_God_ , she loved him. She loved him with everything in her.

They'd been apart for a mere three days while he, Sam, Yelena, and Tony secured the area for the attack on the small KGB organization, and her heart already ached for him. This had been the only time he'd left her side since she'd been discharged from the hospital a month ago... she was pathetic, _really_. She missed his doting kisses, fierce touches, and kind smile. The way he sponged kisses down her back as they woke up in the morning, his strong arms around her small, curvy frame, and his husky voice sending a delicious shiver up her spine. She hadn't slept a wink since he'd left, perturbed by nightmares that only fueled her need for vengeance. She was determined to hunt them down just like they'd hunted her.

"You, good, Romanoff?" Maria asked, drawing Natasha from her contemplation.

She looked at her teammate from across the Quinjet, watching her with concern in her eyes. She nodded, smiling assuredly as she tucked her gun into the holster on her hip. "Yeah, I'm just ready to bring them down." She replied.

In the beginning, everyone had looked at her like she was debilitated and breakable, but she quickly showed them that she was still the fierce Avenger she’d always been with every spar by kicking all their asses.

 _Still_ the Black Widow.

"Or are you ready to see Steve again?" Clint quipped next to her, a teasing smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. She was grateful her friend had been able to pull a few strings to fight at her side, but she knew he felt guilty that he hadn't been apart of the mission to find her and save her from her kidnappers. She'd missed him dearly, though she would never actually tell him that. Instead, they showed their love for one another in more anarchistic ways, like giving each other the middle finger from across the room and engaging in vehement spars in their down time.

Natasha rolled her emerald eyes at his quip and laughed softly. "No. I've enjoyed this little break from my boyfriend." She lied through her teeth, and Clint saw right through it, just like he always did. For years, he'd teased Steve and Natasha about their sexual tension, and he was more than satisfied when they finally got together.

They both laughed at her fabrication, and Natasha perceived Maria's soft laughter from the co-pilot's seat. 

In the past, she would've been reticent about her relationship with Steve. However, everyone knew about their relationship anyway, and the media was beginning to catch on as well, discreetly snapping photographs of them as they went out on charming dates in New York City. She truly believed that he deserved better, someone who didn't have so much red gushing from her ledger. Someone who could give him the white-picket fence house with children frolicking in the backyard. However, she was too selfish - too in love - to let him go and conceal her ardor for him. She needed him, just like he needed her for reasons she couldn't understand.

"So, on another note, what exactly is the plan?" Clint asked chastely, nudging her with his elbow.

Natasha glared at him from the corner of her eye. She knew that he hadn't been paying attention while they went over the logistics of the mission with Fury, but she hadn't expected him to have the audacity to ask her about it in the Quinjet nearly five minutes from the edifice where they were meeting the others. "We're basically bombing their headquarters and then killing the survivors." She said dryly, strapping her Widow Bites to her wrist and standing to take the controls of the Quinjet to begin the descent. She sat down beside her co-pilot, Maria, and then slid the headset over her head. "QJ45 prepared for landing." She said into the communication system as she grasped the controls and tilted the nose of the jet down. The engine rumbled underneath her and the jet jolted as the wheels dropped for touch down.

"Copied, baby." Steve said in response.

She smiled ardently as she heard his voice over the headset. Her heart flourished in her chest as elation spread throughout her core, but she managed to bite back a flirty comment as the Quinjet further descended in altitude. She landed atop of the building as smoothly as she could, despite her titillation to see Steve. However, as soon as the doors opened with a resounding _whoosh_ , she leapt out and swiftly walked to the doors leading to the communication hub where Steve and the others were awaiting their arrival.

"Hey, you forgot your bag!" Clint shouted after her, a soft laugh in his voice.

She _almost_ turned around. "Get it for me!" She retorted.

Before she even reached the door, it was yanked open, and Steve rushed out to embrace her. Her heart beat quickened in her chest, and she ran forward into his strong arms, laughing with relief as he gently cupped her face with his large hands and kissed her breathless. His lips slid between hers like the last part of the missing puzzle piece to her heart, and his tongue caressed her bottom lip. " _Mhm_ , I missed you." She murmured against his soft lips, and she felt them turn up in a smile. She relished in the vestige that warmed her to the core, the way he pressed her closer to him as her soft curves fit against the hard ridges of his muscle. Sometimes, home wasn't a place... it was a person, and she was home with Steve.

_Always._

"Have I told you two that you're ridiculous?" Yelena said with a smirk, striding from the communication hub with Sam trailing behind her.

Natasha smiled at her sister, casting her gaze back and forth between she and Sam until Yelena caught on. "Keep your mouth shut, Natasha." She said in a thick, Russian accent as flush rose to her cheeks.

Natasha tilted her head back and laughed, stepping away from Steve to wrap her arm around Yelena. "Вы уже спали вместе?" _[Did you two sleep together?]_ She asked audaciously. She was one of the best spies in the world; even while lying in a hospital bed, she didn't miss the looks Yelena and Sam gave one another, and Sam had been elated hearing that Yelena wasn't returning to Russia. It reminded her years ago of when she and Steve lived for stolen moments together before their relationship blossomed into something more.

She heard Steve's laughter as he understood what they were saying, and she saw him shake his head as he turned and headed back into the communication hub with Sam and Maria.

"Мы поговорим позже, моя сестра." _[We'll talk later, my sister]_ Yelena replied quietly.

Natasha winked at her before she drew her arm away, and they walked into the hub with the others. She was surprised to see the Avengers - their entire team - awaiting their arrival. Even Thor and Bruce were there, kind smiles gracing their features as they saw her step into the doorframe. She was overcome with a feeling of assurance, filling her wholly as tears brimmed in her emerald eyes. She didn't let them fall, but she let a joyous laugh slip from her lips. "My god, I adore you guys." She said. She'd missed her team, and they'd came together to bring down those who hurt her most.

"No one can anyone harm Natasha Romanoff and get away with it!" Thor exclaimed, his voice booming like thunder that rumbled outside.

They all laughed, and Natasha came to stand beside Wanda as Steve and Tony finalized the strategy with their team. "Do I have your approval to go on a date with James?" Wanda whispered to Natasha under her breath, evidently not paying attention to Tony.

Natasha sighed, swiftly recalling that Bucky had asked Wanda out a few days ago, but she told him that she wouldn't agree unless both Yelena and Natasha 'approved.' Yelena had agreed and finally, Natasha did as well. "Yes, you do. I know you'd go anyway." She smiled at her, reaching out and folding the collar of Wanda's jacket down.

"Thanks, Nat." Wanda said, hugging her tightly as they were dismissed to assemble before she headed to her assigned SUV.

Steve grasped Natasha's hand as they met by the stairwell and walked outside to the line of vehicles in front of the building. "If you tell me that I don't have to do this, I'm going to punch you." Natasha told him as they stepped outside into the rain that'd begun to fall from the dark sky above them.

Steve shook his head, pressing his palm against hers before he pulled back to open the door for her. "I wasn't going to say anything." He chuckled.

She slid into the backseat with Steve as Maria drove, and Clint methodized his arrows in the passenger seat. She wasn't nervous, at least that's what she told herself. Only she hadn't been on a mission in months and the last one her and Yelena had led, ended up with her kidnapped and fighting for her life. However, she was forever the Black Widow; a survivor and a fighter. With her team and her love of every lifetime by her side, she was unstoppable.

_The Avengers were unstoppable._

She continued to tell herself that, but the sight of the KGB building made her stomach drop, and her throat tightened with anguish as flashbacks flooded her conscious within a matter of seconds. She vividly remembered the chains restraining her, the burn and humiliation of being raped, the sharp stabs and slow swipes of the knife across her throat...

"You are brave, Nat." Clint said, reaching into the backseat and patting her knee when he perceived her faltering gaze. He pulled her from the dark depths of her mind, and she inhaled sharply as the chill dissipated from her body.

They shared a smile as Maria shifted the car into park, and the attacked ensued within a matter of seconds.

Wanda blew up the bunker with her powers, aided by armament from Tony, and they waited for the ruins to fall before they stepped out from the vehicles. Flaming fires burned in parts of the building, but there were survivors. They just had to find them. Walking heedfully through the lower levels of the building in silence, Natasha and Steve worked in flawless synchrony. Around them, the fighting quickly ensued, bullets piercing the air and screams ringing in her ears. They'd yet to come across anyone, but Natasha had memorized the building. She knew where they were hiding, doubtlessly watching them from their base in the substructure, and she knew exactly how to find them.

"You need to break open that door. Be prepared for them to shoot at you." Natasha whispered to Steve as they turned down the hallway where the base was, and the metal door came into sight. "But I'll be right behind you."

He hummed in acknowledgement before he heeded her orders and charged at the door. It broke open with a resounding _crack_.

Natasha couldn't see the last of the KGB from behind Steve, but she heard them.

"Did your pathetic girlfriend finally die?" Dimitri, one of the leaders, asked vehemently.

Steve shook his head, glancing back at her with love glinting in his azure eyes. "No. The Black Widow lives on forever." He said with a smirk.

She rushed up behind him as he shielded them, raising her arm and firing six rounds, hitting each of the six men in the chest and killing them instantly. 

_Ending the KGB regime._


	10. Dear, My Love

_Dear, my love, Natasha,_

_I miss you more than I can even put into words, but I'm going to try. I still can't believe you're gone. Honestly, it should've been me. It should've been me scarified for the Soul Stone. Yeah, we beat Thanos but at what cost? For me, it was too pricey because I lost you._

_You see, Natasha... I can't live without you. I really can't. My heart breaks all over again whenever I reach for you on your side of the bed, whenever I look at a photo of you... God, my heart breaks with every passing second without you in my life._

_This is why I'm going back in time, literally, for you. I can't live in a world without you, my love._

_Because in every lifetime, I'd choose you and in the next lifetime, I hope you choose me._

_Sincerely, your husband, Steve._

_P.S. I love you (even though I know you hate that movie)._


	11. The Sequel [Coming Soon]

**Even In This Lifetime**

_Natalia Alianovna Romanova, a Red Room assassin, is hired to kill the glorious Captain America before he changes the world in all his star, spangled glory. However, as she gets closer and closer to her target, she begins to fall harder and harder for the man who is actually her husband, whose hoping she'll choose him even in this lifetime._

**Coming Soon**


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